Kevin Sysyn, Associate Editor
In a small college nestled amidst the lush landscapes of the Pacific Islands, an unexpected showdown unfolded that would put a modern twist on the legendary tale of John Henry. This time, the battleground was not the steel rails of the American South but rather a woodlot where a group of workers found themselves at the center of an amusing yet fierce competition.
The protagonist, known to locals as “The Real John Henry,” was a member of a firewood crew tasked with splitting logs for the college. Although he wasn’t a towering figure, his prowess with a long-handled fireman’s axe was unmatched. “I was really good at splitting wood,” he chuckled, recalling his days on the crew.
However, when the college’s “Department” introduced a hydraulic wood-splitter, the atmosphere shifted. “This is fucking ridiculous! I’ll beat the shit out of that thing single-handed,” he proclaimed, igniting a wave of laughter and disbelief among his coworkers. Only his brother-in-law took him seriously, leading to an impromptu betting frenzy.
With the rules set and a supportive crew ready to load the wood, the competition was on. The stakes were low, but the pride was high. As the hydraulic machine whirred and groaned, it quickly became apparent that the old-fashioned axe still had its place in the heart of the Pacific Islands. While the machine took its time, breaking down chunks of wood at a snail’s pace of 5 to 10 seconds per piece, our hero wielded his axe with precision, splitting a piece in just a second.
“I felt like Muhammad Ali,” he recalled, basking in the cheers of his fellow workers as he took an early lead. The atmosphere was electric; laughter and taunts filled the air as bets piled up. It was a celebration of skill and camaraderie, underscored by the spirit of competition.
Yet, as with all great tales, a twist of fate awaited. Just when the outcome seemed assured, the hydraulic splitter succumbed to mechanical failure, bringing an abrupt end to the challenge. “I made half-a-day’s pay in bets,” he laughed, recounting the day’s events with a sense of triumph.
This light-hearted contest, reminiscent of John Henry’s legendary battle against the steam drill, served as a reminder of the enduring human spirit and the camaraderie that binds workers together. In the Pacific Islands, amid the backdrop of environmental concerns and modern machinery, one man’s axe became a symbol of resilience and tradition, proving that sometimes, the old ways are still the best.
As the sun set over the college, the workers celebrated not just a victory over a machine, but the joy of hard work and the bonds formed in the process. The tale of “The Real John Henry” will surely echo through the islands, inspiring future generations to embrace their heritage, even in an age of technology.
